Imminent Stardom

How to Move to New York to Be An Actor and Bomb Spectacularly

-Decide to move on a whim, with very little advance planning other than, "I'm moving to New York next month" and buying a plane ticket.

-Don't write down your career goals or how you'd like to accomplish them.

-Definitely don't make a reel of your work *before* you go, when you're not stressed out with trying to survive.

-Move to a theatre town when you've booked more on camera work than theatre.

-Change apartments. A lot. Like, once a month to once every six months.

-Get a job that kills your creativity and takes advantage of your Midwestern work ethic and sense of duty.

-Spend every evening in your apartment, not networking or finding out who you want to work with and getting to know them.

-Make ambitious plans to do mailings to CDs and agents in town. Only mail ten packets out of a list of 100.

-For that matter, neglect researching which casting directors work on projects that are within your type as an actor and just randomly mail headshots and reels to whoever has an address in the Ross Reports.

-Spend money you don't have on things that don't matter.

-Justify your junk food intake as an antidote to your stress level.

-Never exercise. Even when you get free yoga classes at one of the best studios in town for just four to five hours of work a week.

-Don't follow up on connections that will help you get a foothold in the local market.

-Do background work, thinking it will add some oomph to your resume, rather than just supplying income.

-Get an apartment in an expensive part of town, then use that as an excuse to dedicate yourself to your day job and not your creative work because, "I have to pay rent!"

-Refuse to pay to see theatre.

-Refuse to pay to go to the movies.

-Refuse to pay for acting classes because "You've done that already."

-Refuse to pay for new headshots.

-Make half-baked, nebulous plans to take a class, go to a casting director seminar, "work on your craft," "audition more," etc.

-Allow your daily stressors to overwhelm your goals, and justify that lapse as, "I'm just so *tired*!"

-Read The Actor's Voice religiously. Apply none of the advice to your life.

-Tell people, "I'm taking a break," when you're really just too lazy to be bothered to look up auditions, attend theatre, put together mailings, or put yourself out there.

-Most importantly of all, give up gradually, not making a firm decision to leave the biz behind, not because you don't want to do it anymore, but because it's "too hard."

*****

It was two years to the day (yesterday, Nov. 27) that I arrived here in New York, hopeful, daring, crazy. I think this is a fitting post for that anniversary.

New York has been good for me. I can't say it's always been good to me, but I've learned a lot. I'm much more tolerant of apartment living, having less personal space, and "Things That Annoy Me" in general. I've realized what I can tolerate and what I can't. I can say, "I HATE this place" in one hour, and the next I'll say, "I LOVE this place." I've made this place my home.

Nevertheless, dear reader, if you want to be an actor, you have to do the work. I didn't. I'm not angry with myself about that. I've made a firm decision to step away from the biz. I enjoy it, but I don't want it to run my life anymore. I don't want "actor" to be my job title right now. I can always return, though. The world of entertainment will always be there, and there's no age restriction.

I'm off to Korea to be a teacher for a while. You can read about the whole "moving to Korea" process at my new blog, long tall sallie, modern-day explorer. I'll be posting there regularly, Monday through Friday, about the process of moving to a foreign country, learning a new language, and any helpful travel tips I discover or invent.

Thanks for reading.

Labels: photos, so hard to say goodbye, the biz

My friend is leaving.

She's off to start a new job in DC.

I was cheerful when we parted, trying to make it easier on her.

But, with her going, I feel that the last bit of substance keeping me in the city has gone. We struggled through some extremely trying times together: joblessness, underemployment, eating one meal a day, silly men, not speaking to one another, more joblessness, roaches, loud neighbors, hating New York, loving New York, hating New York some more.

No one else has understood or sympathized the simultaneous love and loathing this city inspires like she has. And now we're going our separate ways, at least for a little while.

I'm aching a little.

Just because I like it.

Labels: yootoobe

Ok, Christopher Paolini.

I get it.

I get the hype.

I wasn't ready to give you a ringing endorsement. You definitely were on my "eh" list of authors. When people asked about you, I said, "He's good for 15," or "He's still pretty young." Eragon and Eldest were just ok. Eldest was actually pretty dreadful, with the exception of Roran's story and character development, as another blogger (whose name and blog name I didn't pay attention to) pointed out. I stuck with you, though, because I enjoyed the story enough. Not completely, but just enough.

Brisingr, though, Mr. Paolini, has me cheering out loud. I'm gasping, crying, and pumping my fist. I'm captivated. What in the heck did you do between Eldest and Brisingr?

I'll tell you what you did: you got better. You saw what wasn't working, you ditched it, and found what did work, and you got better. I don't know who you talked to, what books you read, what people you observed, or how many hours you spent practicing, but you took a giant leap forward in your skill as a writer and storyteller, and I'm inspired by you. Good work, and thank you.

Labels: books glorious books, gratitude, photos

I can't believe it's October. I can't believe it's really October. I feel panic in my chest at this thought, because it means that my visa paperwork is due in Korea in less than a month. It means that I'm leaving New York in six weeks. It means that I uproot my life once again and put myself in a situation that's guaranteed to make me uncomfortable and triumphant. It means I can't stall any longer.

***

The strangest thought just jumped into my head as I listened to "Ready, Able" by Grizzly Bear: I'd like to evaporate right now. What a strange thing to want. I suppose it comes from my desire to hit pause, to suspend myself in this moment where I have free time, where my only responsibility is making it to the library for Writer's Group this afternoon, where I don't feel hungry, where this lovely music is making me smile. I see my atoms drifting apart and hovering in the sunlight streaming into my room. I'm just mist, if only for a moment. Then everything congeals, snaps back together, and I go on with my life. That snapping back together thing might be a little painful, doncha think? Exchanging the lightness of vapor for the sticky heaviness of corporeality (no, that's not a Dictionary word, but I like it anyway).

No, I'm not drunk, or going nuts (at least not sanitarium-worthy nuts). Just being honest. Can you tell that I did my morning pages today? I'm always a little freer after my three-page free write.

***

Kidlings, I have no idea what else to say here. I think it's time to start a new blog. This one has been good to me, but I don't know what to say anymore. The actor thing is boring me at the moment, so I don't have any topical content. And I feel bad writing about non-actory things in a blog geared toward acting. I'm compelled to communicate, but I have no idea if anyone wants to hear what I have to say; screaming into the void and all that.

I think my job stole my creativity. I like the people I work with, but I can't remember the last time my creative reservoir felt so empty, and I think it's my job that did it. I don't want to wish away any of my time here on Earth, but if suddenly all my living expenses were paid, I could walk away from that job without a second glance. My brain is slowly turning to mush and making me think that mushifying is enjoyable: sitting in front of a computer all day, staring at spreadsheets, answering the phone, eating lunch, skipping lunch, riding the subway, going to bed at nine, waking before the sun just to shower and put on clothes to stare at a computer screen all day. This life is like a tranquilizer, and I only start to really wake up on Sunday afternoon, but then it's back to walking zombie on Monday morning.

Hm. This is a really great song.

Labels: bored, music, random sleepy brain thoughts

Yeah.

Under my laundry bag. In my room.

Dead, but no less frightening.

I've learned my lesson: new apartment in an old building? Seal that puppy up tighter than...well, really tight. Caulk and duct tape, my friends. Caulk and duct tape.

***

I think my friend for whom I'm house-sitting has new upstairs neighbors. These people are not quiet. They like to drop things. And they have a small child, who I don't hear scream or cry, but I hear lots of thuds and bangs. It's tiring. I left a Post-It on their door asking them if they were going to be done making noise soon. (I tried knocking, but they didn't answer.) I also imagined up a letter to send them. Wanna read my imaginary letter that I might possibly send?

Dear Upstairs Person(s):

Hi. I'm house-sitting for your downstairs neighbor. Over the last week, I've made a list in my head of all the things you could possibly be doing up there that would produce such, "Oh my gosh someone's throwing a body around" sounds, and thought I'd share them with you:

1. Someone is actually throwing a body around
2. Someone is throwing a *dead* body around
3. Judo with sacks of rocks as sparring partners
4. Trust falls without a partner (totally stole that from another blog)
5. Bear wrestling
6. Shoe-dropping fetish party
7. Using cupboard doors to open walnuts
8. Practicing your One-Legged Riverdance audition
9. Stamping out a roach infestation with platform clogs
10. Pressing grapes for wine. On the floor. With boots on. One grape at a time.

You certainly are one busy little bee up there, as these random thuds and bangs never seem to cease. So, dear temporary neighbor, if it's not too much trouble, please remember that you have neighbors who can become somewhat alarmed by noises that sound like bodies are falling, and going about one's day a Nervous Nancy, jumping at such loud noises (even while wearing ear plugs) is no way to live.

Thanks, and enjoy the cookies! I was going to leave cookies if I wrote the note and left it.

I chickened out, and instead I just went up there after a particularly distressing bang (it's 10:00! and no, I don't care that it's Saturday, quiet hours still apply). They reacted as most people do when you ask them to stop being so loud, "Uh, yeah. Sure."

*sigh*

I'm requesting a top floor apartment for Korea.

Can one tire of a pleasant life? Would someone eventually get bored of pleasant weather, pleasant people, pleasant food, a pleasant home, and pleasant work? Would one eventually run screaming into the streets, "SOMETHING BAD NEEDS TO HAPPEN OR I'M GOING TO LOSE IT."

I kind of want to find out.

Segovia was my favorite place to visit in Spain. It was cold, quiet, breezy, sunny, amazingly clean, and absolutely beautiful. The term "quaint mountain town" describes Segovia perfectly. Immaculate cobblestone streets (with the exception of the small Roma boy dumping out a cup of milk and then peeing on it), adorable architecture, the aqueduct!, brisk weather, and well-preserved historical sites. Love. I could live there quite well: a job that's not too taxing, a cozy home, friendly neighbors, and an uneventful life, I'd take them all, and I don't think I'd ever get bored of it.

You see, I'm bored all the time now. Yes, yes, how can I be bored in New York City. Trust me, it's easy. When everything is screaming at you to COME HERE DO THIS HAVE A GOOD TIME MEET NEW PEOPLE HAVE EXPERIENCES SPEND YOUR MONEY, a homebody and miser like me, who prefers to sit on the couch and read, can get bored quickly. New York is nothing but soap bubbles sparkling in the sun. They're delightful to look at, but the second you try to grab ahold of one, it's gone, and then you're chasing the next pretty soap bubble.

I like some things about this place, but I'm bored of going to work and eating and coming home and eating and going to sleep and waking up and going to work and eating and coming home and eating and going to sleep and waking up. Bored.

It took me some time to readjust to the rhythm of New York after Spain. I didn't answer emails, I didn't return phone calls. I barely made it to work most days (or did much while I was there). I feel as though I'm back on track, but it took me some time to adapt (again). I'm good at being flexible, but I'm getting tired of it. And leaving New York and coming back to it takes ever so much adapting for me. (Maybe the trick to loving it here is to never leave.)

I have a few more adventures ahead of me, and quite a bit more adaptation (Hello, Korea!). But after that, I want to stay in one place, possibly forever. I'm tired of moving around, packing everything up yet again, adjusting to new sounds and smells, finding my way in a new spot. I'm ready to just stay put. I'm ready to build my nest, even if it's just me and a dog or two in it. I'm ready to find my Segovia.

I am in Madrid for another 15 hours or so. Do I want to return to the U.S.? Certainly. Do I want to go back to my working life in New York? Not really. Not at all. No. Would I want to go back if I had a different job and the apartment of my dreams? Maybe.

I had a great time Labor Day weekend. I got to see some friends from back home, had a picnic in Central Park, and played tourist on Monday. The weather was beautiful, the city wasn't as crowded, and the best part was that I didn't have to get up at the buttcrack of dawn to go to work on Monday. Yes, I've made peace with my job. But that doesn't mean that I won't breathe a sigh of relief when it's over. I really like New York now (as compared to a year ago), but only when I can play in it, and working full-time almost an hour from my apartment with a start time of 7:00 am doesn't give me a lot of time for playing in New York. Now that I like the city, I definitely feel as though I can leave.

Soooo, Madrid. I like it much better than when we came in 2006, and I think that's because it hasn't been warmer than 80 degrees the whole time, and mostly a whole lot cooler. I can actually look around because I'm not consumed with how hot I feel and when do we get to the next air conditioned building. Our friend's wedding (the reason we came in the first place) was beautiful and fun and really well done. We did some traveling, and got to see Toledo and Segovia, and I really liked Segovia. It's a town in the foothills of the mountains, and there's a palace there named Alcazar, after which one of the Disney theme park castles was modeled. It was a lovely town, muy tranquilo, very calm. And the aqueduct! The Roman aqueduct isn't intact in most places. This one is still standing, complete, and cars aren't allowed to drive under it to preserve the structure. It's a breath-taking sight, pulling up to the entrance to the old city and seeing this towering stone structure stretching as far as you can see, stone piled on stone without mortar, and the cobblestones and medieval houses behind it. Just lovely. I highly recommend that if one goes to Madrid, be sure to take the 30-minute train ride to Segovia. Just lovely.

We fly back to the States tomorrow, and I can't shake the feeling that I might be disappointed when I look at New York. It certainly won't look anything like Segovia. Oh well. Only a few more weeks and then I'm gone.

Labels: doocing, New Yahwk New Yahwk, temporary escape